Interview with P.C. Davendra Willaby
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Hello Davendra! Nice to see you, yes it is.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Thanks Drubert.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
So, what inspired you to become an Internet Police officer?
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Well I just got sick and tired of all the Internet crime that was going on really. From email reverting to credit card fraud, it was always the same culprit: a nerdy boy on tour.
I hate nerds. (No offense to our nerds out there who are working our website and tracking down the criminals!)
P.C. Drubert McNab:
What has been your greatest accomplishment while working with the Internet olice?
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
I think you meant police there Drubert, haha! And my greatest accomplishment has to be deporting the infamous terrorist Bhumika Bhin Laden back to her home country. The look on her face was priceless when I was cuffing her up. I'll always remember what she said to me. She said, "Please don't do this, don't take me away from my parents." and I said, "Don't worry, love, they've already been deported and rumour has it they're already back into the spice-picking trade as slaves back in New Delhi." Priceless stuff Drubert, priceless.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line?
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Who knows? Policing the internet is a dangerous job and you never know when a sneaky hacker will infiltrate your PC or send you a deadly virus. You just don't know when the end is going to be.
I hope to see myself however in the Internet Police hall of fame.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
You're well on your way our Davendra! So, if you weren't in the Internet Police what do you think you'd be doing right now?
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Well actually Drubert I see myself as a bit of a boxer. So if I wasn't tackling those tough scammers i'd probably be batching it up in the ring right now. Either that or I would be in the family bakery helping my dad with the bakers dozens so to speak.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Have you ever found yourself in great danger while working with the Internet Police?
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Many times Drubert as i'm sure you have yourself. It's just last week actually that my undercover Maple Story character was attacked by an unknown assassin. Perhaps my deadliest danger to date came when I was belly bounced by rapist Bruce Orrock when I confronted him in Manchester. I won't give out too many details incase there's any younger viewers watching this but let's just say it wasn't a nice ordeal.
Here's some questions sent in by our viewers...
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Do you like lizards? (Question from Sir Clive in Northampton)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Clive, it's funny you should ask that question. My mum owns 3 geckos actually and I had a run-in with her gecko Gavin once, so no, I do not like lizards.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Apart from pulling moonies all the time what is a typical night out for you? (Jen, Nottingham)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Hey Jen thanks for the questions babe;). And a typical night out for me starts with making oodles of noodles. Once i've eaten them, I call up my hollywood mate Jasper Carrott and we hit the clubs for some woman hunting.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Will you go out with me? (Chloe, School)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Maybe. Add me on dirtydavendra@hotmail.com
P.C. Drubert McNab:
A job involving policing must require you to be in shape- do you have six pack abs? (Barbara, Devon)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Haha yes I do have six pack abs Barbara, and thanks for asking. If anyone would like to know how I got my six pack abs, I went through a vigorous 30-week program with David DeAngelo, and i'm currently starting another regime with Arnel Ricafranca to keep my abs.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPZ? (Eugene, Mum's Basement)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
I.. i'm sorry?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
On behalf of all the ladies- are you single? ;p (Dorothy, Cockermouth)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
ROTFL. I knew this one would come up haha, but, ladies, I am indeed a single pringle :}
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Should guys shave their chests (and bellies)? What's your view? (Max, Cardiff)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Max, my last girlfriend Alicia Leticia Frankfurter said to me that she finds chest and belly hair attractive and a sign of manliness, but my mum says that it is vile and should be chopped to purgatory! It depends on the woman you're with Max, and what you feel comfortable with.
If you're thinking of shaving it off, there's a company who specializes in things like this. They're called Surstrimming and you can reach them at www.strimminthedaysaway.net.
P.C. Drubert McNab:
What kind of skin whiting cream did Michael Jackson use to turn white and what store should I go to get some? (Jon, London)
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Sorry Jon, I don't think that's available to the public. But you can try posing as a white guy coming out of a shower online if it makes you feel any more of a white man.
Interview with P.C. Drubert McNab
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Hello there Drubert, I got a little interview for ya!
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Fire away!
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Question one are you a retard?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Nope. And if you think that... That's so wrong.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
What's been your toughest moment, and what's been your funniest moment whilst working with the IP (internet police)?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
The toughest moment was when the boys found out I had a third nipple. I suffered much torment before I went to Bully Busters and got advice. I found that when the lights are out, the Bullies will scream and shout. The funniest moment would have to be when we caught Barnaby Barrow, he was screaming for his elven porn and his Segway was going all over the shop, but we got him and threw him in prison.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
I remember both moments well. So, alot of the ladies have been asking me, if you could date any woman in the whole world, who would it be and why?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
It'd have to be Lisa Riley. She has a smile that could make a serial killer weep and I love a larger frame on a woman.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
What's your favourite meal and why?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
It'd have to be Lamb Rogan Josh. I like it with poppadums, I like it with chapatti but the best thing of all is when it comes out my batty!
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
You're not a joka. If you weren't policing the Internet right now, where would you be?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
I think I'd be designing websites with my friends Hootan Akrawi and Kelly Ryder.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
sorry i was jus avin a wank
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
What music do you like and who is your favourite artist? Who is on your iPod whilst you're tackling those internet criminals?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
A bit of everything really! Right now I'm really into Enya and the Fast Food Rockers, but my all time favourite artists would have to be Slipknot and Bing Crosby.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Who do you think is the most dangerous internet criminal out there at the moment?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Definitely Bruce Orrock, as we believe his next victim might be the legend Mick Hucknall-HIMself.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
There's been a few rumours going about that you are an alien. Can you elaborate on this?
P.C. Drubert McNab:
An alien? From outer space? Oh my god... Whoever thinks that is dumb. Cuz aliens aren't real!
Here's some questions sent in by our viewers...
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Drubert, who do you miss most out of the former P.C.s you have had at Internet Police? (Josh Winton, Middlesbrough)
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Definitely P.C. Gok Wan. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be the stylish, sassy Drubert I am now.
P.C. Davendra Willaby:
Have any internet criminals made things personal with you? If so, who? (Sam, Liverpool)
P.C. Drubert McNab:
Yes, there have been many times when I and ex Internet Police officer Hootan Akrawi have had conversations with Charles "Finch-HIMself" Michael Bailey. It was mostly to do with Hootan Akrawi muscling in on Bailey's love interest, Alicia Entrez, so I was more of a third wheel in the whole affair.
If you have any questions for our officers, please send them in via the email at the bottom of the page.
internetpoliceorg@gmail.com